If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever. Winnie the Pooh

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Our Lady

Hey! Hey! Hey!
I don't like walking around this old and empty house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear
The stairs creak as you sleep, it's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you to close your eyes

And some days I can't even trust myself
It's killing me to see you this way

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Hey! Hey!

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back
Well tell her that I miss our little talks
Soon it will be over and buried with our past
We used to play outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

You're gone, gone, gone away
I watched you disappear
All that's left is the ghost of you.
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,
There's nothing we can do
Just let me go we'll meet again soon
Now wait, wait, wait for me
Please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep

Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
~Little Talks, Of Monsters and Men

I've started and stopped this blog post a million times.  I am struggling to find the right words.  The words that will honor the woman I was blessed to call Grandma.  I don't want to talk about the disease that took her, because it was a vicious one, one that changed her mind.  I want to honor the woman I grew up loving, knowing and am now missing.  But that song reminds me so much of her in the later years.  And though I have no idea how or what Alzheimer's did in her mind, my hope is that she when she seemed to have forgotten us all, in her mind, we, and especially my Grandpa Vincent, were with her.  

When I close my eyes, I see her.  The way she used to be.  The warmest smile.  The brightest eyes.  Beautiful Grandma Bernie. I've missed her for the longest time.  

When I think of my Grandma and who she was, the word Lady comes to mind.  She carried herself like a queen, full of dignity, kindness, strength, patience and love.  Gentle and confident. Truly a Lady.  Oh, how I miss her.

I can still hear her laugh.  The squeak of her screen door.  Her voice calling out, Hi, mija!.  Her house was like a second home to me growing up.  My fondest memories are of moments at Grandma's house.  Because she made me feel so welcome.  My Grandma was full of warmth, love and a sweetness that was genuine.  I miss her.

My heart is so proud of my uncles who treated her with the love and respect she deserved.  She lived in her beautiful home for over 60 years and they cared for until her last breath. It's the way my Grandpa would have wanted his bride to be treated. I'm blessed to call them my family, knowing they honored her with the dignity and respect worthy of a Queen.  I'll forever be heartbroken that I couldn't be there to say goodbye, so I cling to the memories I have of the most beautiful woman I have ever known.  I pray my daughters will grow up to be the kind of woman she was: a Lady with a beautiful heart.

Grandma, I miss you so.

         My cousin Jennifer said it perfectly, there is peace in knowing, now, she will remember how much we love her.