Some Things Never Change

Dear Mom and Dad,

Happiness is a four letter word: LOVE

The moment I pull into the parking lot and tow my three kids through the airport to the baggage area to claim our favorite baggage: Nana and Papa, I feel happy from the inside and out.

When I fall into Mom's arms in a hug that only a mom can give, I suddenly feel a transformation: my invisible, extra arms, the arms that help me manage my three kids, begin to dissolve. And I'm left with the two I was born with. Sometimes I don't realize how much those extra arms weigh me down, but when they are gone, I feel lighter. It's like I become a kid again and I admit, I'm so very glad you are here and so grateful for your help. Because when Mom and Dad are here, it means I have extra hands to hold my kids, extra arms to give out hugs, extra hearts to love my children and yes, your love is there for me as well.

I love watching you interact with my children. Your patience is infinite and your love is palpable. Mom will often comment on her regrets on how she raised her own children. The truth is, you did the best you could do. And that's what I hope to do with my three Lovlies. Every parent has regrets and things they wish they could and should have done differently. But that seems to be the beauty of having grandchildren; it's your one chance in life for a do-over. Mom and Dad, it's my turn to be proud. You sparkle and shine in your role as Nana and Papa!

Dad, some things never change. The look you gave my Maxwell when he was being onery was the same look you gave me 25 years ago. It's a look that can stop you in your tracks and make you think twice about being naughty (Max's look said, Really? Hitting Mommy is a bad thing to do?!). And in the next instant your eyes were shining with love and my son knew, no matter what, you still loved him. Just as I knew. That look is one I too have perfected and I bring it out when necessary. Because, oh yes, it can be necessary.

Mom, some things will always stay the same. As a child I remember rubbing your arms and thinking how they were the softest things I've ever felt. They still are. I remember your hugs being the best. Nothing has changed. I see Claire being swallowed in a Nana hug and I know she gets that same feeling.

Eternally grateful. For both of you.

Sorrow is: Missing you

As I drive away from the airport I feel the transformation. Those extra arms that disappeared for your visit begin to grow back. How else would I manage my three Sweets? While you are away, I grow up again and take on the responsibility of caring for and loving my children without the help of my Mom and Dad. My heart is heavy as we leave each other but my children fill it with love and laughter. They ease the sadness and it lightens: until we are just counting down to your next visit.
See you soon. To the moon and back.

Love,
Tolley

My Cup Runneth Over...

A few days ago I decided to take away the TWINS' pacifiers. The pacifiers no longer seemed to be doing their job. Instead of pacifying them at night, they would CRY OUT, SCREAMING and frantically searching when they couldn't find their Too-Toos. We are on day three of no pacifers. Naps aren't going so well (well, here I am blogging to the sound of silence...maybe 3rd day's the CHARM?) and they are waking up almost 2 hours earlier in the morning. But, I'm trying not to focus on those NEGATIVES. Instead, we are now UP early enough on Wednesday mornings for me to make Spin class! They seem HAPPIER. They aren't whining as much through out the day or in the car because they want a pacifier! They are SLEEPING SOUNDLY through the night and not crying out, not ONCE, not a peep! We have to start waking up earlier because CLAIRE will be starting school in the Fall, so why not start now?! So yes, this is a BIG change in our house and the non-napping was starting to eat at me until I realized all these POSITIVES outweigh the one negative.

BIG changes can cause STRESS, ANXIETY and WORRY. I used to WORRY. A lot. SO much that the worry could make me sick to the point of UNHAPPINESS and near-DEPRESSION. What would I WORRY about? Any and every thing. But I realized that negative emotion did nothing GOOD for my SOUL, my MIND, my FAMILY. I turned that worry over to GOD. I decided to try to approach life with a half glass full mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not Miss Suzy Sunshine. I still WHINE, COMPLAIN, VENT, CRY and get DOWN. Just not like I used to be pre-twins. They changed my parenting style: for the BETTER. They showed me I can't control everything (someone ELSE has that job). MADELINE and MAX taught me to go with the FLOW and ACCEPT that sometimes my plans must be put aside. They have helped me to realize this is the only life we have here on Earth: ENJOY it, LOVE it, and really LIVE it. When I approach my LIFE with the half glass full mentality, it makes me realize not only is it half full, MY CUP RUNNETH OVER.

They did it before...they can do it again! :)