If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever. Winnie the Pooh

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


Home, Let me come Home
Home is Whenever I'm with you

Home, yes I am Home
Home is wherever I'm with you
~Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
                                                                  Our first year in Austin

                                                                  Two years later

The first time I visited Austin, I was wearing my critical glasses.  I saw a drab city: everything was brown, the trees were small, the freeways had funny 'access roads' which kept getting us lost, I missed my kids and I couldn't imagine ever, ever leaving my California.  I knew Chris really wanted to switch jobs and though I had a say, I would leave the ultimate decision to him.  He tried to point out all the positives and all I could do was see the negative.  My eyes were filled with tears when I told him nothing he would say, do or show me, would convince me that Austin should be our home.  I told him we would move here if that's what he wanted and I would be sure to be positive for our children's sake, but I couldn't show happiness on the day I first laid eyes on Austin. Our potential new home.

Because California had my heart.  The wide and vast Central Valley will always be my home.  I remember every time I drove the 7 hour trek home from college in San Diego back to Merced, it felt like the wide arms of the valley would open up in a warm hug as I drove over the Grapevine into its welcoming and familiar embrace.  Some see it as boring and drab, I thought The Valley was beautiful.  And Southern California in all its busyness: the mix of urban, rural and the amazing Pacific Ocean had always been paradise in my eyes. It had been home to me since I left home at 17 to go to college.  It's where I grew from a young girl to a woman.  Where I found myself.  Found my voice. Found my worth.  It was where I met my husband, got married and had my three children.  And beautiful San Francisco.  It was the magical city my parents would take us to as kids.  Trolleys, Pier 39, Alcatraz, Lombard Street, mouth watering clam chowder and the majestic Golden Gate Bridge.  My favorite city.  My first marathon city.  My engagement city.  Yes, California will always have a special place in my heart.

Nearly 2 years after that first visit, I now see the beauty of Austin.  My vision is no longer clouded with critical resentment.  Instead,  my breath catches whenever I drive by the Greenbelt.  A beautiful, green, dripping with nature, gem, right in the middle of our city.  I still don't know all the parts of Austin, but when my family visits, I zip in and out of places, taking them to the parts of Austin that I love and know like the back of my hand.  I'm no longer shocked by the rude drivers.  I can honk with the best of them. And those access roads?  Easy Peasy.  Austin is where I truly fell in love with running outside, where I discovered trail running, that I do, in fact, like BBQ.  It's where Chris and I rediscovered date nights and the importance of Us.  It's where I trained for my first marathon in the brutal heat of the summer---showing me that my heart and mind are much, much stronger than I ever thought possible.  Moving here without family or friends, and wanting to make a beautiful life for my children, is without a doubt one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.  But my husband and my children are worth it.  They deserve a beautiful life. So I had to ask God for grace, support and patience as I tried to transition our lives from California to Texas without any resentment or negativity.

And yet Austin has always been my second home.  California is the place my heart belongs.  Until recently.  We are in the process of buying a home.  There is so much excitement to it and I feel a sense of relief that we will finally have a place to call Ours.  Still, the tears flowed yesterday when I realized: we're here. We're staying.  This land called Texas, which felt like a foreign country when I first saw it, is all that my children will remember.  I had to adjust my heart to allow Texas to fill up the space that California used to hold.  It was hard for me to let California go.  My beautiful Golden State.  But there is a lot of beauty in Texas.  Bluebonnets. Greenbelts.  Running Trails.  So much more.  And now: my home.



  1. Time to buy the girls each a James Avery charm bracelet and start adding charms! :D Texas is a wonderful place to call home. :)

  2. I can relate some. I call MI my home but the job has taken us to MO. You adjust but there's always a little something missing.

  3. I've never lived anywhere but Texas and there isn't anywhere else I want to live. Austin and the Hill Country around it are great, but Texas has a lot more to offer. The view is greener and the trees are bigger if you head east and it's completely the opposite if you head west. But I'm glad you're adjusting and starting to see the beauty that's around you. It makes things easier for everyone if you're truly happy instead of just 'putting on your happy face' for the kids.

  4. hi! i found you through M&M blog hop :)

    i've never even been to texas! it seems so huge! we just started over, too...we moved from indiana to michigan. i'm not sure when it will feel like 'home', but hopefully soon!

    anyways, i'm your newest follower, nice to meet ya!

  5. Found you via M&M. Welcome home, from one Texas girl to another. ;)