If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever. Winnie the Pooh

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Waiting for Vincent

For you, Vincent.  Your birth story.

It started with a longing.  A wish.  A hope.  I didn't know it at the time, but all along, it was you I was waiting for.  It was you who would complete our family.  I just didn't know when that would be. 

And I will wait, I will wait for you.

Your Mommy has many faults.  One of them is worrying about what other people think.  So when I wondered aloud to your Daddy: what will people think if we have a 4th child? We already get so many negative comments for having 3?  What I was really wondering is if my fragile ego could handle people's judgement.  This ugly flaw in me is something I hope I don't pass on to any of my beautiful children.  Stand tall. Stand proud.  You are wanted and so very loved.  Your Daddy has a strength that I admire.  His response to my wondering: Who cares what people think?!  This is our life.  And with that, I knew, just knew, we'd have just one more Baby: you.  And life continued to happen and we still just weren't quite sure when you would come to be.

And I will wait, I will wait for you.

I cried when I found out I was pregnant.  I never for one second took you for granted, having lost two angel babies, I knew you were a true Gift.  One I would cherish and lovingly nurture and grow inside of me.  Even when my pregnancy got difficult, I knew I'd do anything, anything, for you.

And I will wait, I will wait for you.

And I did wait.  My doctor wanted to schedule your arrival for a Tuesday, four days before your due date.  I found my voice, the one that usually stays quiet around people who are more assertive and outspoken, and I spoke up, for you.  Can I wait?  So she suggested Wednesday.  No, longer.  Can I wait until the Baby's due date?  She reluctantly agreed to schedule the induction for the following Monday, February 25th at 7am.  2 days past your due date.  I questioned my decision but my heart and God told me: patience.  Let the Baby grow.  Wait.

And I will wait, I will wait for you.

Oh, Vincent, you, the Baby I waited to find out whether you were a boy or girl, the Baby I decided to let grow as long as my doctor would allow, the Baby that I held during my most difficult pregnancy:  you were the one to prove to me that having Faith is the greatest gift a person can have.  Because I waited you were born perfectly healthy and in a way that I could have only dreamed of...because I waited.  For you.

And I will wait, I will wait for you.

On February 25th at 12:30 am, I felt the first twinges of labor pains.  They woke me up from a deep sleep and yet in denial, I didn't think it was labor.  I had waited so very long for you to come on your own time, I didn't think it was possible you would actually come on your own, on the induction day.  So I breathed through what I thought was just back pain, showered, bounced on the exercise ball and eventually went back to bed.  At 4:30 I woke up again, this time I knew the contractions were real.  I thanked God for this unexpected gift.  I knew today was the day I had waited for, the day I would get to meet you.

And I will wait, I will wait for you.

At 4:05 pm on February 25th, Daddy and I got to meet you.  Our Son.  I only wanted a healthy baby, and healthy you were: 9 lbs 3 oz, 21 inches long and stunningly beautiful.  Our son.  And once we met you we just knew Vincent Alexander was the name you were meant to have and you were the Baby who was meant to be to complete our family.  We waited a long time.  For you.  Happy birthday to you, Beautiful Boy.                        

                                                              Raise my hands
                                                            Paint my spirit gold
                                                              And bow my head
                                                            Keep my heart slow
                                                                ~Mumford and Sons, I Will Wait   

No comments:

Post a Comment