If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever. Winnie the Pooh

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I often wondered what it would be like to have a conversation with God. I have prayed countless times. I have tried to open my heart and listen to what He has to say, show me and teach me. Sometimes He's so clear. Like a raindrop reflecting all the beautiful colors of the rainbow. Other times my own imperfect human nature clouds His message and I feel like I'm trying to see it through a murky and muddied pond.

But there has been one day in my life that He spoke to me and I had no doubt that I heard His words. I felt His presence. It was my very own, conversation with God:

I looked down, tears filling my eyes. Two babies. Two peaceful, beautiful, take my breath away, sleeping babies. I had moved them to the hospital bed with me. They were snuggled side by side against my body. I gently picked them up and instantly had the feeling; I'm holding all that is good in the world.

Suddenly, it was as if a fog was lifted. I could see. I could finally see.

Dear God, I just didn't realize. I had no idea and I'm so sorry for ever doubting You. If I could thank You a million times it wouldn't be enough.

God whispered to my heart, I know. All along I've known you. These are the two that are meant to be here on Earth; with you, with Chris, with Claire, with the world.

Madeline Yvonne and Maxwell Christopher were born on May 30, 2009. That was the day I realized God is greater, bigger, and more powerful than I could have ever imagined. I have never thought of Madeline and Max as a replacement for my two angel babies. I never thought God took two babies and gave me two babies as an exchange. Because the day God spoke to me He told me something I'll never forget: His plan is perfect. He is perfect. My angel babies are in heaven for a reason I may never know. But I do know why Madeline and Max are here on Earth. They fit into the puzzle of my life. They must be here.

It's almost their first birthday and it seems like yesterday that I; found out I was pregnant with two babies, was in the middle of the most difficult pregnancy I could have ever imagined, was in the recovery room on the day they were born and seeing their faces for the very first time. And yet it has almost been a whole year. A year full of beauty, love, learning, laughter, tears and wonder.

As a mom of twins, I'm often asked, how do you do it? Well, if Claire was born like a shooting star streaming through the sky; intense, then Madeline and Maxwell were like the quiet, stillness of the full moon in the sky; peaceful. I expected chaos and was gifted with two of the most serene babies ever to be born. Thank you sweet children for making the transition of being a mommy of one to three, seamless.

Happy birthday dear Madeline.

Madeline, my doll-baby. So curious, full of life and sweetness. You are always so busy exploring, learning and trying to figure out the world around you. Truly a lovely girl who I look at and marvel over the perfection of your little up-turned nose, adorable smile and feisty personality.

Happy birthday Max.

Max, my little man. You are a people person. You notice others and they always notice you. Your smile touches the hearts of all those who meet you. You are sensitive, silly, happy and have a joyful sense of humor. You have such an expressive face and it matches the complexity that makes up who you are on the inside.

The day my sweet Madeline and Max were born I prayed, Dear God, thank you. Forever.


  1. I came across your blog through BCC. I have a June 09 baby girl. Well toddler now. :) I thought I would say hi. I also saw you had two miscarriages previously. I just lost my son when I was 19 weeks pregnant. Your post about your angel babies is beautiful. I can relate. I look forward to following your blog. Your older daughter and twins are adorable!

  2. Andrea, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It takes time for our hearts to heal and even then the scar is always there to remind us of the pain of our angels in heaven. Hugs and I too look forward to following your blog.